I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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