dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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