We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
