I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
