I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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