walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
