my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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