Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
