i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FUCK WHALES
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
