Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
