I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
