so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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