i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
