Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
