I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
