I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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