you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
