i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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