its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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