I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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