I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Randomize
