Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
