Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
