maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
