i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
