Sry I called you an 8
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
