what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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