You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize