Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
