yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
