Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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