I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
