i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Couch. On fire.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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