I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
