Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
