He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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