you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You are the jesus of drinking
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
