I'm lost and stupid without you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
