she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
worst night to have a conscience
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
