The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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