Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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