Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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