i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
