The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Boobs speak an international language.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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