Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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