My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
