i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
