Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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