i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
