there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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