Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
