I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
