butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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