Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
