Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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