i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
