Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
