If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
