I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
