I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
