You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
