1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
