I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
