In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
