If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
