So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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