You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
