OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
