The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
