i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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