my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
