as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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