I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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