Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
