She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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