Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize