the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
