Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
